When we make a mistake, take the wrong path, or fail in making a decision, a certain outcome comes to be. This coming to be is inevitable once it already took place. But our nature forces us to review the past over and over again. The mind tries to fix what already happened by irrationally thinking of other ways that could be taken or different decisions that could be made to avoid this unpleasant outcome.
But to our surprise, the past is past; it has already passed. One cannot deliberate on what has happened. This act of rethinking is the main source of the negative states of remorse, regret, and deep sadness. People, in such cases, show their strong attempt to repair what has been damaged by regretting its damage. But, again, it has already been damaged; what is the point of trying to fix the damage by undoing the damage altogether? For, as long as someone cannot afford a journey in a time machine, thinking about the past cannot by itself change anything about our present and future.
The feeling of remorse is very strong and awful, especially when it involves a situation where the individual is directly responsible for the outcome. But remorse is self-devastating. It only gets things worse. One who keeps recalling what happened and regrets it million times would never look into what is before them and will make one failure after another. When we stop the feeling of remorse at its proper limits, we reclaim control over our lives and save them from falling into catastrophic chaos. Yes, one should learn from one’s mistakes and get some insights from what they have gone through, but remorse is not learning; it is only a bad feeling ultimately directed toward the self.
This is why remorse is usually connected to feelings such as loneliness and self-hatred. Remorse should not take us to the path of punishing ourselves because of that mistake. Making a mistake is not itself problematic, but the attitude of the individual making that mistake. If you ask yourself: “why do I harm myself with these strong feelings?” one may not say it, but a crucial answer is this: “I did something bad, and this makes me feel bad. So, I will make up for that bad by punishing myself either by getting it bad things or by preventing it from getting good things “something good to myself. But our problem with that unpleasant outcome was its being bad, so should we really keep ourselves in that bad and increase its amount just as a reaction to the first portion of it? If we do really care about bad and good for ourselves, we should stop remorse as soon as possible and get back to positive actions.
Don’t get stuck in what has passed. Move on. Try your best not to repeat your mistakes, but don’t take them as a reason for making more mistakes, for nothing can be a good reason for such self-punishment. Keep trying and never stop your desire to improve. Do not give up on yourself, for nothing can be a good reason for that. Getting better is always an option you should take. Getting stuck in the past is a choice for death before death, for you still have a future while you choose to devote all your remaining life to the future. The only reason to get stuck in something is not to be able to get over it. You always have the chance to get over your past, live your present, and reclaim responsibility for your future.
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